July was a good month.
Andrew, the boys and I all got some downtime while we were away at Straddie. We were busy, but it was a good kind of busy. I wove bracelets with Nathan. My bracelet isn't finished yet but I'm still working on it. Caleb started school and I've managed to get him there on time every day so far.
One goal for August: Let go.
I've been feeling really tense and weighted down lately. Actually, I've been feeling that way for a while now but I keep powering through, thinking it'll go away. But it doesn't. The reason I feel this way is because I'm a people-pleaser (I hate admitting that) and I've gotten so caught up with worrying about how people see me and what they'll think of me that somewhere along the way, I've forgotten about my own opinion.
Yes. Sure. That's fine! are my typical responses when I really should be saying No. Sorry, that doesn't work for me.
On top of that, I'm a bit of a sponge. I look around and I see cool things and think, Hey I want to do that too! I want to make that, I want to be like that, I want to go there, I want to do that but after a while, I realize I'm not completely sold and half-baked projects continue to pile up around me. I like what I'm seeing, but it's not really me.
I've been trying to please people and become this ideal person for so long, I feel like I don't really know who I am anymore. I feel a little fake, like my life is a façade. So I think now is a good time to let go of all these external expectations, real and imagined. It's time to let go of all that extra emotional and physical baggage that comes with worrying about how I think people will judge me, so I can take a real good look at myself and figure out who I am and where I need to be.